


Perspectives On Their Love

by Moonbeam (luvsbitca)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Barebacking, Changing POVs, First Time, M/M, Rimming, bottom!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-14
Updated: 2011-12-14
Packaged: 2017-10-27 08:13:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/293604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsbitca/pseuds/Moonbeam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twelve perspectives on Dean and Castiel and their love and journey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perspectives On Their Love

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer -** I own nothing, if I did I would have such fun but we all know that it wouldn’t be anywhere near as good. Just showing my love through imitation.   
>  One part of this is probably blasphemous and might upset some people in a religious sense but flames will be ignored in much the same way being sworn at by my students is ignored.  
> Bottom!Dean just kind have happened, I started thinking Cas would be bottom and if you can believe it they changed their minds halfway through.  
> Perspectives jump around and one at the end might come before the first one and everyone tells a different part of the story so just go with it. Enjoy.  
> Nothing is mine, if only!! Cas would have never died.

****

Perspectives On Their Love  
by Moonbeam

**Bobby**

Dean was an idjit.

Castiel had chosen Dean over heaven, over eternal life, over being an angel and living forever in the gloriousness of His light. Castiel had not done it for the fight, or being right, or anything else. He did it because of Dean, because Dean had shown him a different way of living and given him a reason to question the strictly black and white world in which angels live.

Dean was an idjit.

I know how amazing and rare love can be, the love of my life was possessed, and died once by my own hand. Dean should be grabbing onto Castiel with both hands and never letting the angel-man out of his sight again but he doesn’t he is too wrapped up in thinking that the apocalypse was more important than his own life, or happiness. Boy is an idjit.

Finally I had had enough, Sam was dead, Castiel had been raised from death and was once again an angel and Dean gave up. Pretended he wasn’t in love with the reborn angel, pretended his plan for after the end hadn’t been to finally tell Castiel how he felt. He just let him go and wallowed in the hell that was losing his brother. Dean had walked away, walked to Lisa, to a life that could possibly have made him happy once but it was all a dream. The reality of Lisa was not what Dean wanted but he stayed. Finally I decided to go and see Dean and clip him ‘round the ear. So I rocked up on Lisa’s doorstep one day and dragged Dean to a bar. Told him that he was an idjit.

It took another two months for Dean to stop being an idjit. To call Castiel and tell him the truth, to unburden himself.

I was proud of him, even if he was drunk off his arse and passed out minutes after telling the angel.

**Mary**

I always knew there had to be angels, how could the evil of demons and all the things I had fought all my life be there without the purity and goodness of angels to counterbalance it. Though when I died I learned more about them, realised how they really were. They were too single minded. It wasn’t until I saw my Dean with Castiel after he had been pulled from the pit that I finally realised I had met one.

Years before, just before my parents had died. A man came to me, I was sitting in the diner eating alone and he had sat next to me, introduced himself as Cas and stared at me like he could see my very soul. He had made small talk and I thought maybe he was hitting on me. I tried to show him I wasn’t interested but he kept talking. Then all of a sudden he stopped speaking and stilled.

“I am pleased to have met you Mary Winchester.”

“That’s not my last name.”

“No, not yet. You do not understand now, you might never understand but I will protect them, I will help them, I will watch over them and do everything I can to make sure they will survive the end. I will do anything I can for him. I would allow myself to die for him. And I wanted you to know; I wanted to be able to tell him one day that I had sought you out and told you, that you would leave him knowing that he would always be looked after.”

I had no idea what he was talking about. He was probably mentally ill but he smiled at me, just barely and even though I was worried there was something about him that made me relax, let me know he meant no harm. I always took note of my instincts.

He smiled again. Stood up and held out his hand. I shook it and blinked. He was gone.

I didn’t think about it again until I saw him walk into a barn, reveal who he was and then it all came back to me, and I finally felt like my baby might get to be safe.

Then everything had gone wrong, my little Sammy had said yes, Adam had become a vessel for Michael and they both ended up in the prison. Castiel was an angel again and my beautiful, wounded baby let him go. Followed the pattern of his life and just let the love of his life walk away without ever letting him know.

Bobby had lasted longer than I would have been able to. He lasted a whole month.

I wanted to be able to slap my baby upside the head myself when it took him two months to go and call his angel, to tell him he was in love. I wanted to be there for him, every day I wanted to be there but that I would never get to be there for Dean in any important moments, all I could do was watch. Watch as he finally told Castiel how he felt, thank God. If only he hadn’t passed out drunk just after finally admitting his feelings.

Castiel was there when Dean woke up. The angel was even nice enough to cure his hangover.

I knew that other spirits were just as interested in the conversation that occurred as I was; I was not the only set of eyes trained on that motel room that night.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

“Cas?” Dean sat up surprisingly hangover free.

“You told me you loved me last night when you were inebriated. Were you serious?”

“Yes. I know you don’t feel that way, I know you are an angel again and you have this huge battle going on and I could not have picked a worse time but I just couldn’t do this anymore. I had to tell you and then I was going to leave.”

“No, you were going to go on a killing spree until a demon or monster kills you.” Castiel’s stare had become more intense than it had been before; at least that was how it felt to Dean.

“Sam is gone, you are gone and I’m not allowed to give up. I cannot settle into the life he wanted me too. I thought it was a possibility that maybe we, you,” Dean could not bring himself to look at Castiel as he laid himself bare. “Maybe you could have been there, maybe we would have finally...but it was all delusion. Bobby came to me, told me I was an idiot for never telling you and I decided he was right even as I knew nothing would be changed by telling you the truth. Then finally I told Lisa and Ben I was leaving, drove two states over, got drunk and finally called you. I know you have more important things to be doing Cas, you can go.”

“There is nothing more important than this conversation at the moment Dean.”

Dean turned to look at Castiel, his eyes both hopeful and broken. But he didn’t say anything.

“Dean, I cannot allow Raphael to become the leader of heaven. I cannot desert my followers and I cannot allow the world to be cleansed, which would happen if Raphael won. But I can and do love you. I have loved you from the moment I touched your soul and raised you from hell even if I did not know what it was until later.”

“Cas.” Dean leaned forward, touched his lips to Castiel and pulled back after the briefest of touches. Castiel pulled Dean back into him sealed his lips against the human’s and allowed his grace to touch against Dean’s soul; permitting him to feel everything that Castiel felt about Dean, everything that had been a part of the angel, and accepting the reciprocation from Dean.

After long moments they pulled away from each other.

“Wow. What was that?”

“My grace, my soul, my memories, everything that I have held inside since we met. Everything you make me feel and everything I feel for you.”

“I wish I could do that for you.”

“You did. I feel you Dean, I felt everything you feel for me, and know all the reasons we are here now.” Castiel refused to stop touching Dean, refused to release him not wanting even the separation of air between them.

“Okay. Cas, I don’t know what happens now.”

“I can promise nothing Dean. I cannot leave the fight with Raphael. All I can promise you is this night. Tomorrow I need to return. I will need to fight until Raphael is defeated and heaven is restored. It seems God has deserted us.”

Dean didn’t say anything just leaned forward, and pressed himself against his angel.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I stopped watching then. I love to watch my baby, but there are things no mother needs to see. My Dean got his angel that night, for at least a night but I have never stopped remembering the day Castiel promised to keep him safe. He kept that promise every day.

**John**

My heart breaks a little when I think of the look of Dean’s face as he watched his angel. It was the same look I had on my face when I used to look at Mary. Even in the place between heaven, hell and Earth where I am now stuck I can see the love between my son and his angel. There was nothing I wanted more than to see him happy, after all this time, after everything I put him through.

If everything had been different Dean would have never met Castiel. If everything had been different Dean being this happy, as happy as he was with nothing in his life but Sam and Castiel, would have been all I would have wanted for Dean. Safe, loved, in love, happy.

He was at least loved, he loved, and he was happy more than he had been since he was three years old.

I don’t know if anything better could have come from the life I gave him.

I wonder sometimes, should I have just let it go? Should I have accepted that Mary was gone and let the boys just be normal? But the pain I felt that night, seeing her on the ceiling, every night when I went to sleep I saw her there silently begging me to save her as Azazel killed her. I know I could not have chosen any differently but maybe I should have. At least now they are both safe, the apocalypse is over and Dean has a personal angel now if only Sammy could find someone to make him happy too.

**Sam**

I watched my brother fall in love with an angel.

I watched him with Cassie, and with Jo and finally with Lisa and while he cared for them all I don’t think he had ever really loved anyone until Castiel.

The trick to knowing if Dean was in love with someone was if he willingly put his life and soul on the line for that person. Which was tricky given his willingness to put his life on the line daily. But the man would only allow himself to die, be sent to hell, or even visit his personal hell for a few people, dad, Bobby, me and now Castiel.

When the angels told me I was going to be the vessel for Lucifer I was worried about Dean, I knew he would do anything to protect me. Then when we decided I would say yes to Lucifer I thought about Dean being alone but as we stood in a hotel room Castiel standing at Dean’s shoulder I knew I didn’t need to worry. Dean would never really be alone; someone else was always going to have his back no matter what happened to me.

Then he died, Castiel died and I went down with Lucifer and I knew Dean was alone.

When I came back I was so pleased that Castiel was alive, until I found out he was not just alive but an angel, Dean hadn’t spoken to him in a month, at least outside of the prayers that Dean had started to say to him every night.

I was pissed, how could he have thrown away the chance to be happy? How could he have let Castiel leave without saying something, and how could he think that going and being with Lisa would ever, ever make him happy? I would give anything to have that chance back but I had never felt for anyone even a shadow of what I had felt for Jess. So I went there, watched him with Lisa and Ben, saw the hollow look still on his face. I left him be only because Castiel asked me to. I wanted to walk in there and drag him out force him to call for Cas, who would always answer for Dean, and then somehow force my idiot, stubborn, pig-headed brother to finally admit he was in love. But there was one thing that could be true about my brother forever he could not be forced to do anything and he would only admit to loving Cas when he was good and ready. So I left, waiting for him to make a decision.

One day Dean came back to the hunt, telling me that he had finally told Castiel the truth but that the angel had to win the war before anything could happen. So the two of us went back on the road, killing demons, hunting things. It took two years and finally one night when we came back from killing a nest of vampires, covered in blood, bone tired and desperately in need of food and a shower, we found Castiel seated on Dean’s bed. I walked back out the door and got another room, far, far away from the old one. I didn’t see either of them for three days, which suited me just fine, I was in a lot of pain following the previous month of hunting, slaying, and exorcising.

The three of us travelled together for a couple years until Dean finally really accepted that Castiel was not going to walk away. Then Dean finally gave in, and allowed Castiel to convince him of something he had wanted for a while. They used some angel like contacts and adopted a baby girl. I like being Uncle Sammy. Took Bobby three years to stop correcting the kid when she called him Grandpa, which was funny only because the man beamed every damn time she said it, wasn’t until they adopted again he gave up the ghost and just settled into being Grandpa Bobby.

Turns out when you have a reason to have an actual home and something to be there for it is a lot easier to leave the life, well for the most part. Dean somehow became the go-to guy. A hunter needs something looked up they call Dean, they need to know how to kill something call Dean Winchester. I don’t know how Dean became Bobby, the hunter other hunters called when they didn’t know something but he just became the knowledgeable guy who everyone relied on, like I always relied on him.

**God**

I knew that they would find each other, knew they would discover within one another a reason, purpose and comfort for what would come to pass and what would occur in their future. Theirs would not be an easy life, there were more things to saving the world than just stopping the apocalypse, and they would need to be able to stand beside one another for the rest of their journeys.

I knew from the moment I made Castiel that this would be his eventual destiny. To fall, to love, to rise, and finally to save mankind from themselves again.

And watching them find one another has been the most fun I have had in a long time.

**Chuck**

It took me a while to see it, I had been having visions, no prophecies, involving Castiel since he had pulled Dean from hell but it turns out Zachariah was hiding things from me. Then after God brought Castiel back from the dead the first time, and Lucifer was released from his prison, I suddenly got everything regardless of what they wanted me to see, I had visions of the past; saw things in them that I had not seen before.

Then I started to realise what was happening, and given the front row seat to all of Dean’s previous conquests it was interesting to see him completely unsure, surprised, and generally in denial about the depth of his feelings for the angel. But the thing that really surprised me was the fact that he never doubted it, he never got defensive and was never horrid to Castiel just to cope, to hide it all. He might have been in denial about the fact he loved him, wanted him in the carnal sense but he never actively pushed the angel away. Pulled him closer all the time. Hell on more than one occasion he was the one who hinted, admittedly hinting to an angel who cannot understand most human subtlety is next to useless but still he hinted at actually wanting more for himself, wanting more from Castiel.

For a man who had been ramrod straight his whole life, at least from what I had seen of Dean he turned out to be completely bent just for his angel. Didn’t matter who he looked like it was the androgynous angel inside that captivated the hunter.

It started in the little town when Cas had been honest with Dean, sided with Dean shown him a little loyalty and trust, something Dean was missing from Sam at the time. Then each time the angel showed up he proved himself more and more to the hunter. Bent the rules to save Sam from Lilith using me. While Dean protected Castiel’s vessel and Castiel tried to warn Dean about his brother. Then finally, Castiel broke from heaven for Dean, provided him with the opportunity to try and stop Sammy from saving the world. He died for Dean, died for me, and in the Winchester family you only die for family. So Castiel became family.

Over a year of trying to defeat Lucifer the feelings they had for each other simmered, deepened, became something big, scary and amazing which scared Dean but held him captive anyway.

I could see the way he felt in the way he looked at Cas, protected him, pushed him to try new things and held Cas almost as tightly as he held Sam. I saw the fear for Castiel, I felt the utter devastation over Castiel’s death. The elation of his rising from the dead. And the hollowness of knowing that even though they were both saved that Dean could never have what he wanted. Could never hold Cas tight and know for sure that someone alive thought Dean was worth saving, was worth loving, was worth more than heaven.

**Dean**

I never thought I would be happy. Not really happy.

I just figured so long as Sam was safe, if at all possible if Sam was happy, then I would be okay.

Then Cas walked into my life and I was so broken. So broken I couldn’t even worry about the fact he was a guy, and I had never previously been gay. It wasn’t even the fact Cas was in a male vessel that stopped me saying anything, doing anything it all came down to the fact that he was an angel. An angel. Incorruptible and perfect but without even getting close to showing him I loved him I dragged him from heaven, caused him to lose his grace and got him almost killed a number of times, until I finally succeeded and he died trying to help me. Trying to save Sam for me. It was all my fault, everything was my fault and I could not allow him to fall any further than he already had.

He died. Dead. Gone. And Sammy all in the same moment. My world collapsed around me.

Then he was back, and an angel. And all the damage I had done up til now could be made false, a dream, lost time in the life of an angel so I walked away. I said goodbye and went and buried myself in a live I had once upon a time thought would make me happy. But there was nothing really to keep me there, living as a friend with Lisa, I loved Ben, but the desire to protect him was more important in the end than the desire to stay in one place. I just couldn’t stop seeing monsters under the bed.

Not one day passed without a dream or daydream about Cas. I thought I saw him around so many corners. I felt like I could feel him sometimes. Fingers along my neck, a shoulder pressed tightly against my own. I would have sworn on a bible I could hear the flutter of wings late at night, or early in the morning. The only thing I allowed myself outside my head that could have betrayed my need for Cas was the fact I was on my knees every night, next to my bed talking to a God I didn’t care about and hoping an angel I loved was listening.

Bobby told me something I had known for a long time. I had to change things. I couldn’t stay with Lisa, I was putting her in danger. So I decided to leave, it just took me longer to convince myself that I needed to be honest with Castiel. He had to know the truth so a scar could heal over the painful gaping wound where my heart had been before I gave it away.

The only way I was able to convince myself this was a good idea to drink enough tequila to make the man who I had challenged to a competition fall to the floor before he was dragged from the bar by his mates. I made it out of the bar, across the field and into my hotel room.

I stood in the room looking at the bed and the only thing I really wanted was Castiel. I didn’t want to sleep, or another drink or something to eat or even a promise that there would be no hangover in the morning all I wanted was Cas, I wanted to feel his stare on my face, I wanted to feel the intense body heat that curled around me when he invaded my personal space. I wanted to feel his heart beating next to me, I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to touch him, I wanted to rip all his clothes off and slid into him and then fuck him until he thought about my body every time he moved for a week whether he was an angel or not. So I gave into it.

“Cas?” I called up to the sky. I was about to call again when I felt the most reassuring, comforting, arousing, downright hedonistic thing I had known in my whole life. Cas, too close and yet still not close enough.

“What can I do for you Dean?”

“I want to fuck you Cas…no…that’s not what I wanted to say. I mean I want that but what I wanted to say. I love you Cas. I don’t care if you are a man or a woman or an angel or God I cannot stop thinking about you and I really, really want you. Nothing else, well obviously if I could have Sammy back I’d want that too but it isn’t going to happen so…where was I?” Dean waited a few beats then remembered. “Right I want you, in any damn way I can have you. You not fucking being here for the last three months has sucked so hard I cannot describe it. Sam said yes and I thought ‘hey maybe I can finally tell Cas when the apocalypse ends’ but then God had to be an ass-butt and I just want you.”

I smiled at Cas, but he just stared at him. He looked about to say something when I noticed the floor. Then I didn’t notice anything else for a long time.

When I woke up I was pressed firmly into Castiel, and I was so fucking comfortable I wanted to never move again.

“Dean?” Not only did Cas have the world’s sexiest voice, he should start reading audiobooks, so many more people would listen to them, but pressed against him like they needed each other for survival the voice rumbled through Cas’ body and into mine and I think I might have moaned in an entirely un-manly way.

“Yeah Cas?”

“Have you had the required amount of sleep?”

“I have had plenty, don’t remember the last time I was this rested actually. Did you angel-mojo me?”

“Only to remove the alcohol from your body to ensure that you would not become dehydrated and ill.”

We lapsed into silence and I knew I should move off him, knew I should say something about the fact I was completely in love with him, had told him, had apparently passed out on him, and he had held me all night while I slept and it is possible I will at some point actually morph into a girl. But I just didn’t want to say anything, I didn’t want to ruin this moment when Cas was pressed into me, and I was pressed against him and nothing outside of this bed was at all important.

I should at least move enough so General Dean, who was hard because it was morning and harder than ever before because he was pressed into the angel he’s been focussed on for the last eighteen months, was not pressed insistently into Castiel’s hip.

“Dean,” Castiel’s voice rumbled through his body and into mine again. “I believe we need to talk.

“Cas?” I sat up knowing it was all over now and that being that close to him would make it harder to not do something girly like hold him tightly and beg.

“You told me you loved me last night when you were inebriated. Were you serious?”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

“I can promise nothing Dean. I cannot leave the fight with Raphael. All I can promise you is this night. Tomorrow I need to return. I will need to fight until Raphael is defeated and heaven is restored. It seems God has deserted us.”

I didn’t say anything just leaned forward, and pressed myself against my angel.

We collapsed back into the bed again. His hands so firm against my body, his mouth soft and pliant against mine, and the feel of him under my hands as I stroke his hip, side, backside, thigh as I hitch it up against my hip, down his arm, absolutely any part of him I could reach without moving my mouth from his.

Then he flipped me and started to run his tongue down my neck, marking me, more than the handprint on my shoulder, his teeth biting down on the junction between my shoulder and neck and I am fairly certain the sound I made was loud enough to wake a deaf man on the other side of the motel but I just writhed under him and he continued to nibble, suck, and lave my neck until I could not remember anything but how to beg.

I pull his head up so I can see his amazing big, blue eyes that can fucking literally see into my soul. I want to say something, tell him how amazing he is, how much I love him, tell him all the truly dirty, filthy, pornographic, downright orgasmic things I want to do to him, that I want him to do to me, that I want us to do together. But the way his pupils dilate, the way his breathing quickens and he starts to thrust against me tells me he is reading my mind. Then he blinks slowly and I am naked, and he is naked, and our cocks are pressed firmly together and each time either of us rocks forward I think my brain might actually explode and just dribble out my ear.

He starts to move down my body licking, biting, blowing against the wet skin he is marking as his, and I know he is right, no one else will ever touch me this way again after tonight. I think about where he is heading, where that amazing mouth might be going and my brain short circuits and I am using every ounce of strength to yank him back up, press my mouth to his and wrap my tongue around his and I reach of him. Feel the hitch of his breath all along my body, his knees dig down into the bed and he tries to push himself further into my hand. I want to go slow. I want to make this last so long that I will be able to still feel him when he is back in heaven but now I have finally, finally had a taste I can’t do anything but rut against his hip and my hand gets tighter, looser, faster, slower, riding along the tip, down to cup his balls and he bits my lip the first time.

Suddenly his mouth is gone and he has disappeared back down my body, every nerve in my body sings as he wraps that amazing mouth around my cock and begins to suck like a fucking porn star. My vision goes white for long minutes as he does whatever he wants to me. Then his mouth is gone, and he is raised above me, looking down at me with dark, lust filled eyes and my cock hardens even more.

“I am going to fuck you Dean.”

Holy crap, Cas talking dirty must be one of the signs of the renewed apocalypse but the things it does to me cause me to just whimper and nod. Then he is gone again and his mouth is wrapped around my balls, then down and he cannot possibly be going to…his inquisitive little tongue is sliding back and forth against me, I pretend I have never touched myself there but every time I thought of him my fingers would stray and I would end up riding my own fingers wishing it was the angel’s cock.

There is no way it can be normal or natural for his tongue to feel that good but he is shallowly licking into me like a cat at milk and I think I might come just from this then suddenly he hardens his tongue and thrusts in, licking into me completely and I arch off the bed, and into his face. Then there is one of his fingers swirling around the outside, pushing, testing demanding to be let in and his tongue keeps licking as his bendy little finger crooks into me, stretching me and making me call out to anything and everything that might be out there. Silently begging for him to never have to leave me again.

Then his tongue is gone, another finger slips in suddenly, just a twinge of pain before he presses against something miraculous and I start chanting his name, begging him to fuck me, begging him to put that amazing mouth back on my cock, begging him to just use me for his pleasure and fuck me now…again…more…please.

He pushes up looming above me and looks down at me with such focus I feel like his eyes are actually stroking my cock. He slides another finger in, watching my face instead of his hands now as he works me, stretching me, making me ready to be his again.

“Cas, please. God please just fuck me already.”

He scowls at me a little for the god comment and pulls his fingers away, he looks down at my stretched and begging hole and then grins at me evilly. His hand reaches up to rest against my brand and he lines himself up, suddenly I can no longer see him, I see myself laying prone, begging, beneath him. I see my stretched out hole, still wet with saliva and lube and his thick, hard cock as he pushes forward to my entrance. I can see the first resistant slide, I can see my body swallowing his cock, inch by amazing inch, and the most miraculous part is the fact I can feel what he feels, even as I feel the exquisite burn as he slides into me, the fullness and pleasure, I can also feel how tight I still am, how he has to lean forward a little to push the last little bit in until he is balls deep inside of me and he is still staring down, I can feel how turned on he is seeing himself seated in me entirely. Then suddenly I can see his eyes again and I feel bereft at the loss. Until Cas starts to move within me.

The slick side of him, the pressure of him pushing at me. I had never been touched like this, allowed another person to have control over my pleasure willingly but Cas could do to me anything he wished and I would beg for more. Within minutes I was begging, pleading, asking him to go faster, harder, deeper, asking him to touch my cock, which he had been neglecting ever since he sank into me. I reached for myself and he slapped my hand away told me I would come just from what he was doing to me. And he was right each slide in made my head explode. He rutted against a deep place within me that set off sparks.

The last straw, he gripped my scar again and suddenly the world exploded. I could feel myself around him and feel him in me. Each amazing slide towards orgasm. He pushed and pushed, twisting up into me until I could take no more and screamed his name to the heavens. My hand found his, my fingers slide between his and I grip it hard as I tumble into the most unbelievable orgasm I have had in a long time, coming all over us both as he came inside me filling me with the scalding heat of his come.

As he pulls out I instantly mourn the loss of his cock inside me but he slips his fingers down and runs it around the edge of my hole coming back slicked with his own come. And that was all it took, nevermind recovery, I wanted him again.

Even though he left me the next morning I did not feel the hollowness of the last few months because I have faith in Castiel, I know he is going to come back to me when he can and until he does I will be able to survive, and having Sammy back I will be able to live and wait for him to come back to me.

**Castiel**

I fell for him, twice. He is the rapture, he is more powerful than my grace. He is everything in my life, as an angel or human, which I could ever need for the rest of my existence, whatever that existence is.

God allowed me to fall as the man I was before, during the apocalypse. Allowed me to hold my memories, everything I needed to remember him to worship Dean as I had from the moment I pulled him from hell.

I came back on a Thursday. I had been watching Dean for two years, desperately wanting to be down there with him, even though I knew that my place was not there yet. I had to finish. I had to restore order to heaven. The day Gabriel appeared before me, touched a hand to Raphael and took over heaven I was shocked. He had been dead for two years. Turns out I was wrong, he was not dead he had been with our Father. Two years with him. He was a changed man, still irreverent and wicked but he no longer felt the need to leave heaven and hide on earth. There was no longer a constant struggle between Michael and Lucifer, they were both gone now. And as events transpire it appeared that Raphael and Gabriel had been as close as Michael and Lucifer before, as Dean would say, all that shit went down.

Gabriel took one look at me when after he explained and reached forward to touch my forehead. The next thing I knew I was sitting in a motel room looking at one of Dean’s shirts. Gabriel’s parting words still ringing in my brain. You did good little brother. Leave it to me, and enjoy yourself. I was not worried about heaven anymore. Especially not when Dean and Sam walked through the door. Dean came towards me, with a blink I cleaned him from the hunt and devoured him. Sam was gone when I was next aware enough to notice and the two of us stayed in that room for days enjoying each other, talking, just being together, fucking each other senseless. Finally.

Together we carved a life for ourselves. At first we hunted, and then we settled, hunting only when needed until finally I convinced Dean to complete God’s most celebrated purpose for humans, we had children. Dean always, desperately, wanted a family, a normal one, where people where there for each other and no one went to hell. So we settled and adopted children and Sam eventually found a human girl who made him happy and Dean got exactly what he wanted, and I did too.

We kept them from the life we had lived before, not that we ever really got away from it, but what happens in Dean’s shed stays in Dean’s shed. We tell stories of demons, vampires and all manner of evils as bedtime stories, tell them the truth of their parents but they are fiction now, remain fiction, will always be fiction for the four that call me Daddy.

**Jane, Adam, Anna and Misha**

Our fathers are amazing.

Though it would be good if they would stop making out when it was possible to for us to walk into them. Uncomfortable.

Dad and Daddy love us, but if we become hunters they are going to smit/shoot us.

Not that hunters or monsters are real of course, because Dad swears they are just bedtime stories.

**The End**


End file.
